So, it’s funny. There are many times in life that you want to say, “I’m pretty sure you’re incorrect” or “I went to school for that, and I remember differently.”

But you don’t.

They tell you you’re wrong.

They tell you you’re stupid.

They tell you your ideas are not practical.

They push you the fuck down.

And use your work for their success.

You listen to someone in a much higher position in any facet: they tell you how they’ve done this a bunch of time before, they were always right, and you just probably haven’t done it the correct way. Or it takes real world experience like they have.

Or just plainly, “I’m bigger than you, so figure it out and give it to me.”

Or the most terrifying: acting so confident and pushing that sense of power over you, that you start to think that you might be wrong. You start to question things you know are right, (gaslighting) but their arrogance, over-confidence, and fictitious superiority in asserting the wrong way is right, has you questioning everything you have ever done. I think I should invent a new word for this.

Superarrofidenty. There we go. Superarrofidenty. The best new word to describe hands behind their heads, gym muscle flexing, best chair in the room, poor decision making, fucking simple, most likely wealthy by stepping over/on others, morons.

There is usually a point where in the course of things, you start to give up. You start to realize that it’s easier to just go with it all.

You begin to slip, ever so delicately, into a coma of your own making. You can’t blame the stupid people, it’s not their fault that you are still listening. (Even though it might sound like they are shouting at you from the top of the pool, you at the bottom.) And you are pretty sure it’s not a good idea to pull a Swimming with Sharks moment.

So you just let your mind and body rest. You slip away. Whether it then is accompanied by alcohol or drugs or some other addiction, you give yourself fully to it.

This is where people start to blame others. It’s their fault, not mine. Falling further into a self destruction that only MacGruber can help with. (Hint: He can’t. He’ll just move the clock along faster, cause he forgot his pliers.)

Are you kidding me? Look at all this crap. There’s, like, a million wires in here. l’m more like a three-wire guy.

– MacGruber

At this moment, the thing I’m learning is how to stand up in life. How to acknowledge that there is a possibility that I might be right. That I might know what I am actually talking about, and the people who tell me I don’t, might just be more egotistical than your average bear. (They are drowning secretly in self doubt too though. They just know how to push others down.)

At this point I am starting to wonder if bullies are coded this way. And the people they bully end up being the bullied later in life. I was bullied massively in junior high and high school. Junior high I ran. I went to a different school. In high school it started all over again. But I started to stick up for myself a bit. Took a while, but eventually I found myself in the place I belonged. With the goth kids and nerds who ate lunch at the pillars outside the lunch area. It was glorious cause I could explore what I loved. And I found out I was fairly funny. I was getting my footing.

Adulting was the same kind of bully, but an older aforementioned version of the stupid people, this time with even more power. (Now with Parabens! Enjoy that fresh clean look!) And they have adult moneys.

I was at a job as a designer back in the aughts. (Yep, I used it, and I can’t un-use it.) I was pretty good. Not great, but I knew my stuff, and worked building flash widgets for the Cousteau foundation. (Okay, I was a bit better than pretty good.)

I was working with a marketing person who was working with a contractor to build an email. She liked what I did, but told me the contractor needed transparent jpegs.

I paused.

I cleared my throat, and chose my next words as delicately as I could.

“Um, I can give them a .png, but I’m not sure I can create a transparent .jpeg. Cause I’ve never seen them before.”

I was told I didn’t know what I was doing, and that she always gives them transparent .jpegs. I felt so small.

I felt useless and like I was a fraud for even trying to be a designer. She had convinced me to question my very worth at this job, and that I should just hang it up. She later campaigned to get me fired, but then she left.

I love to pretend that she ended up as a rodeo clown who can only work weekends cause the weeks are stock full with her whoring.

Any way, it took me decades to work this hard to not let people trick me again into thinking there are transparent .jpegs. It took me decades to make sure they don’t make me feel super small and worthless again. Problem is, it still happened. And will always happen. People will always be louder than you, and so forceful in their fake confidence, that it will make you feel like you are wrong. And that they are right. Even when you might try to stand up for yourself, they might pretend you’re crazy. And that you might need a break.

You question yourself more…

I’m trying my best to stand up for myself, and not fall down again. I don’t want the stupid rodeo clowns to ever convince me again that there are transparent .jpegs.

I am no longer filename: Andrew_false_transparency.jpeg

I am now filename: Andrew_real_transparency_final_final.png

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Addendum

And to the guy who wrote the following:

<svg viewBox="0 0 921.17 1409.71">
  <defs>
    <clipPath id="chris-clip">
      <path d=" ... " />
    </clipPath>
  </defs>
  <image xlink:href="/images/chris.jpg" clip-path="url(#chris-clip)" x="0" y="0" width="921" height="1409">
<svg>

The SVG image is a composite of two JPEG images; two masks for the price of one path.

I DON’T LIKE THIS GUY.

Please don’t take my sweet, sweet metaphor from me. I thought is was smart.

I still maintain there is no transparent jpeg. And this party clown who I first heard it from didn’t know her ass from the stinky tuna sandwich on her disgusting breath.

She was a bully.

If I need another metaphor, let’s go with Flying Spaghetti Monster. Although, it’s pretty easy to convince me of the spaghetti monster.